Unsent Letters
by Komillia
Summary: Even in the wizarding world there are thoughts and emotions never to be voiced. Letters containing people's deepest thoughts are written but never sent. [Chapter 5: Dear Mum]
1. Dear Percy

**Unsent letters**   
by Komillia (komillia@hotmail.com)

A/N: Thanks go to Sarah Mclachlan's song Stupid, which inspired me to write this and another work in progress. Read and let me know what you think since I'm working on other unsent letters from other HP characters. 

* * *

_October 5th, 1995_

Dear Percy, 

Do you ever lay all alone in your bed at night, staring at the ceiling and wondering why things turned out so differently from what you had imagined? Cold in a warm bed and sighs instead of contented smiles. Does the feeling of power keep you company at night or love you during the day? It is what you have sacrificed it all for. Family, friends... even me. 

I do not know why I am writing a letter I will never send, a letter that you will never receive or keep with your in your pocket. There are a million things that I would like to say to you, yet I am limited to paper sheets and ink. 

I miss you. It is the most important thing that I have to say. I miss you terribly. I miss sending owls back and forth with our letters, exhausting them until they grew angry and protested. I miss that lazy and hot summer, that day when you came over to meet my parents and that walk we took in the evening. I do not think I ever told you how much that walk meant to me. We spoke of the future, watched the stars and spoke of the promising future. You spoke of a job at the ministry, I spoke of one at St Mungo's as a healer. It never occurred to me that perhaps we should have thought and spoken of a future together. I always assumed that it... we were going to last. I assumed that love was enough. 

Perhaps you never felt that love was as important as I felt that it was. Perhaps the will to prove yourself had always been the most important thing to you. You never said it out loud but I knew. The desire to rise above the average person, to prove those who laughed at your because you were a Weasley wrong. I write, "were a Weasley" because in your heart you no longer are one and it is only a surname to you. It was neither your family nor I who came to this conclusion. It was you and you alone. Not only did you desire to rise above the average person, but to rise above your family as well. Where did the love for them go? Was it so easy to cast away such strong bonds? Or did anger and desire fuel you with the power to do so? Then... was it the same thing that caused you to leave me? 

I still cannot fully understand why. Was I in the way of your plans and ambitions… a mere distraction? Have all those years we have spent together meant so little to you? They must have for you to so easily move on while I remained standing, crying and mourning. You left me behind and with a false smile I told you that it was "Okay". But it was never okay and it never will be. 

Sometimes it is such a burden. To smile, be friendly and nice in front of others. To listen to others' pains and problems. Then... coming home to an empty flat, sitting by the window and watching the stars alone, waking up in the middle of the night and knowing that there is no one next to me. No one to kiss, to hug and to be with. Do you ever feel like that? I do not know why I keep going on. I do not know why I keep pretending in front of others. I cannot even figure out why I hold on to memories of our happier days, why I still hope that this is not the end for us. 

I know I am a fool. A fool for crying, pretending, longing and not wanting to let go of you. Even a slightly lesser fool could see that you are no good to me. But a fool I remain because deep inside I still hope that you will come around… that you will see all those important and precious things that you have turned your back on. Perhaps then you will embrace and treasure those things again. Until then, I will be right here waiting for you. 

Forever yours,   
Penny 


	2. Dear Lily

**Unsent letters**   
by Komillia (komillia@hotmail.com)

A/N: I forgot to say this in the first chapter, but another big thanks go to the site www.sothere.com for giving me the idea to this fanfic. Also to Victory: Thanks for the suggestions, I have a few ideas on how to do it, let's just hope that my inspiration works with me. :) 

* * *

_November 3rd, 1981_

Dear Lily, 

I don't even know why I'm writing this letter. Why I bother. There are so many other things I could do. After all, now that you so considerately died and left behind your child on the doorstep, I have now have two children to care for instead of one. I am a very busy woman, yet I have taken the time to write you a letter. 

A letter that you will never read. 

I can't say that I always hated you. You were not always the abnormal freak who I could never mention. On the contrary, I used to love your dearly and speak of you with pride. You were the baby of our family and no one could resist loving you. I would dress you up in pretty clothes and everyone who saw you told me how adorable you were. And I was proud, proud because this adorable little child was my sister. 

I learned how to read and write. I read bedtime stories to you so that you would fall asleep and have sweet dreams instead of nightmares. No bully would dare to tease you because when you ran to me for protection, all I had to do was to glare for them to stop bothering you. I started a new school and you missed me so much. You used to run up and hug me the moment I stepped through the door and came home. Then you would listen so attentively when I told you about school, how wonderful my friends were, what the boys were like, which professor was kind or boring. You used to say that you longed for the day when you would start the same school. We would be better friends, better sisters. 

But then that letter came. That horrible, wretched, awful letter. 

Mum and dad were so happy, so overjoyed. Their little Lily… a witch! If possible, they loved you and spoiled you even more. And you were happier than anyone else. Happy to be a witch, to be more special, to go to that damned magic school. You ceased to be my precious little sister the moment that letter arrived. You would never run to me for protection again, never listen to what I had to say. All the letters you wrote and sent were all about you. You, magic, you again and more magic. About that awful boy who infuriated you so much. 

So I stopped answering the letters, burned them in the fireplace. But you never guessed, did you? You just assumed that you were still as loved, only I was slightly too busy to answer the letters. You just addressed the letters to mum and dad instead, who out of pride and joy read them out loud the moment they arrived. 

Then you had the nerve to write to me again, telling me not the marry Vernon. That he was a horrible man, that I could find someone better. I never answered that letter and I married Vernon as soon as possible. How dared you meddle in my life after you had so inconsiderately disrupted it with your special, oh so special magic and your abnormality? 

I hated you by then. I hated you for always being so talented, so pretty and so unconditionally loved by everyone. No one except me knew what a treacherous person you were, to forget all about the importance of sisterhood once you waltzed into your new glorious and wonderful life at that school. A life where I had no place and you never even noticed. 

There are big differences between you and me. I never left anyone behind. I stayed by mum and dad's sides until their death, I cared for them and did I everything I could for them. I will be here for my son when he grows up, for both him and Vernon for the rest of my life. I won't just leave anyone behind like you did when you went to that school and even to death. I will even raise your son, the boy with your eyes who you loved so much. I will not love him nor will I care for him. All my love and devotion is for those who truly deserve it, those who can be trusted. 

Goodbye,   
Petunia 


	3. Dear Narcissa

**Unsent letters**   
by Komillia (komillia@hotmail.com)

A/N: This one might be a little confusing because it will tie in with my other fanfic "Sisters Three" but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway. :) 

* * *

_August 26th, 1989_

Dear Narcissa, 

It's been a long time. Two years to be exact. It's amazing how easy it is to avoid someone if you really want to. Last time I saw you was in Diagon Alley when Nymphadora and I were shopping for school supplies. I caught sight of someone with long blonde hair and there you were. Dressed in your finest blue dress... blue was always your favourite colour. I wanted to walk over to you, to greet and hug you like a sister should. But you caught sight of me, turned around and walked away. I haven't seen you since. 

It's it funny how things have turned out? Or perhaps tragic is a better words. I think of all three of us as children and I smile. We had no mother and a father who cared little for children, much less little girls. But we had each other and to us that was enough. I think of all three of us now and I cry. I honestly didn't think that it would turn out like this, not this horrible. 

Do you remember the day you started school? Bella and I were so happy for you but you were the happiest one. You would finally be with us, all three Black sisters at Hogwarts. Three sisters so different but inseparable is what people used to tell me. I truly believed it, believed that our differences complimented each other. I didn't think that we would drift apart. 

Sometimes I think that perhaps it was my fault to begin with. We all had a role assigned to us. Bella protected both of us as the oldest and took care of us. You, as the youngest, brought joy and laugh to us. And I, as the middle sister, I was supposed to keep us together. But as you have noticed I failed miserably. How could I have held us together when I was the one who started to keep secrets from both of you? 

I was scared, I'll admit that. I was scared of what both of you would say if you found out that I was in love with Ted Tonks, a muggleborn or a mudblood as Bella "delicately" put it. I didn't know what else I could do and even if I travelled back in time and found myself in the same situation I still wouldn't have known what to do. But I wouldn't have been able to leave Ted. I couldn't do it back then and I wouldn't do it now if I had the choice. 

I know you were hiding behind the door that day when Bella and I had that fight. I know that you sat there and listened to every word that was said. I was too angry back then but I wish that you had come out and said what was on your mind. Because honestly, I still don't know what went on inside your head that day. What Bella thought, I knew. She was angry, beyond angry. She was hurt because her sister had betrayed her for the ones that she hated most, muggleborns. Sometimes I think that perhaps if I hadn't shouted at her, if I hadn't been so angry because she was, then perhaps she wouldn't have embarked on the path of destruction. Perhaps there would have been hope for her. 

But I could never guess what you thought of me. I never heard a word from you after a left. All the letters I sent were sent back and you refused to see me when I visited or the few times we coincidentally met. Not a word from my little sister, one of my two best friends. Your silence never kept me from caring about you. I have a scrapbook, full of articles where your name is mentioned. Sometimes I grow bitter, because all those things that are written about you in the newspaper are things that I should have known. Things that a sister should have been told. 

But there are things that you should have known too. You should have been there when Ted and I got married, surrounded by his relatives but none of mine. You should have been happy with me when I found out that I was pregnant, you should have been there when I brought my daughter home from the hospital for the first time. You should have known that her first word was "ball" and that she was pointing at one from the baby chair when she said it. You should have been there when Ted and I celebrated our tenth anniversery, when we invited his entire family and all our friends for a dinner party one warm June evening. 

There are a lot of "should haves" in this letter. But if there is one thing you should know is that I love my husband and daughter dearly. They are my life, my pride and my joy. I wouldn't trade them for anything else in the world. And despite all that has happened between us, I still love you and Bella both. There is enough room in my heart for all of you. But I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive your sister for harsh words that should have never been said and for loving a man who has been nothing but kind and loving. 

Love,   
Andromeda 


	4. Dear Cedric

**Unsent letters**   
by Komillia (komillia@hotmail.com)

A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone! I have currently put up Harry to Cho, Snape to Sirius and Lucius to Draco on my list of letters to write. They will be written as soon as inspiration allows. In the mean time, here's the latest one. Keep in mind that it was written after 12 hours in a bus, so it might be a little weird. 

* * *

_June 30th, 1996_

Dear Cedric, 

I bet you hate me. I know what people think. I went out with Harry Potter of all people. After Harry, there was Michael Corner. After Michael, there will be dozens of others. I am a shame to the good memory of you. They think that I did not deserve you. I bet you agree. I bet you hate me for what I have become. But you know what? 

I hate you too. 

I do, I really do. Don't be surprised. After all that has happened, I do hate you. If I could speak to you again, I would yell at you. Yell all those things that I wish that I could have asked you. 

How dare you? 

How dare you leave me like this? 

How dare you leave me all alone like this to fend for myself? 

How could you think that I could move on and live without you? 

I keep asking you those questions, bitterly in the night when I lie alone and can't sleep. But no matter how many times I ask I never get an answer from you. You will not answer me. You will not come back again. You are gone, removed from existence and simply vanished from my world, my life. Where are you now? Where are you now when I'm crying and I need you? 

Sometimes I just can't stop myself from crying. I know what people say, it's been a year. I have moved on, moved on to Harry and from him to Michael. So why am I crying? But they don't understand. They say they do, but they can't. Not unless they change lives with me, or change heart because it is my heart that keeps hurting at night. My heart that trembles at the sight of something that reminds me of you. My heart that hates you for leaving and for not coming back. 

I still wonder how you could do this to me. How could you go and die so easily? You were so alive, smiling and laughing last time I saw you. How could you, in just a few hours, be so pale, silent and cold? How could you be gone? I had just seen you. Hugged you. Kissed you. Laughed and talked with you. How was it possible that all that could change and that I would be crying and crying? 

Do you know how many nights I've cried? How many hours I spend each day thinking about you and mourning you? It is not right. They say that I am in the best years of my life. I am alive, healthy, surrounded by friends and safe. I should be laughing, smiling, enjoying the years everyone longs for when they grow old and grey. Why can't I stop crying? Why can't I be like the other girls? The ones who say they love someone and then the next week curse and damn them because they happened to look affectionately at another girl. 

But people think I am. They see how quickly I turned from you to another guy. They saw how quickly I could forget that you are gone, that you were so horribly ripped away from my life. But were you here, you would probably asked why I did what I have done. How I could let people think that I forgot about you. I don't know if there is an answer to that. But if there is a slight chance of a momentarily happiness, I will grab it. I don't want to cry. I don't want to keep mourning you forever. I saw Harry on the train the day I went back to school. I saw you. Michael comforted me after Ginny Weasley caught the snitch right in front of it. You comforted me. 

Perhaps I am going insane. But you haunt me. You haunt me in my dreams, my thoughts and in people I see. Sometimes I see someone who happens to walk the way you did and I run after him. But when the person turns around it is never you. It is never you smiling back at me or pulling me into your arms. It is always someone else. But sometimes, I give in. I let myself pretend that it is really you that I see or I cling to whatever it is that reminds me of you. 

Perhaps you shouldn't have treated me so well. Perhaps I wouldn't have felt this way if you had been a horrible first love. My sister told me of her first boyfriend once. He was immature, selfish and didn't care for her much, so when he broke up with her she didn't mind. Perhaps if you had been as horrible as him I wouldn't have missed you or cried for you. Perhaps if you hadn't treated me that well I wouldn't be crying now or dream that you are alive and waiting for me somewhere. 

But you were like a dream, a wonderful dream I never wanted to wake up from. From the very beginning you placed me on a pedestal and treasured me. Never even close to the point of suffocating or worshipping me, but always sweet, caring and placing me above everything else. You never said it out loud, but I knew. I knew that if you had to choose between school, Quidditch or friends you would throw all of them away and choose me. I never had to worry about being rejected or ignored when I was with you. And I loved you for it, I loved and treasured you equally. I never imagined how cruel the awakening from the dream would be. I never imagined that it would hurt this much to be without you. 

So why do I hate you? I can't really explain. Maybe it was because you were too good to me. You should have never made me love you, never made me care this much. Perhaps then I wouldn't have mourned and missed you. Perhaps then I would be enjoying what people claim to be the best years of my life. But instead of doing that, I'm crying. Truthfully, it is the only thing that I can do properly these days. 

Your Cho 


	5. Dear Mum

**Unsent letters**  
by Komillia

A/N: It's been a while since I updated this and in a way that's nice. With all my other plotdriven fanfics it's nice to have a story like this to fall back on once a while. It feels easier to write than most fanfics seeing as this is just a series of letters. Anyway, here's a very, very short piece but I kind of like how it turned out.   
Again, I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed or read this. :)

* * *

_December 13, 1992_

Dear Mum,

How are you? I'm doing well. I'm sorry for not writing to you for so long, I promise that I'll make it up and write more often.

School is good, I suppose. Not all the teachers are nice but most of them are. Professor Kettleburn especially, he likes to discuss things that no one else likes to discuss, like what do mooncalves think of when they dance? What does a chimaera think when it meets a lion? We don't get to take Care of Magical Creatures until third year but I think I would like it.

There is this boy at school. Everyone thinks that he goes around petrifying people. I think I saw him once when we sat down for dinner. He was this black spot sitting almost alone by the Gryffindor table. I wanted to walk over there and ask if he really did it. If he had said yes, then I would have asked him how, I think it would be very fascinating to know. Perhaps I should ask him if he can petrify objects as well?

It's almost Christmas so I'm looking forward to coming home. Speaking of Christmas, do you know what kind of present I should get for dad? I feel awful, but I haven't been able to come up with the perfect present yet. I was thinking about making a clay sculpture but it never dries well enough for it to turn out good. Perhaps I should ask that boy in Gryffindor to petrify it for me?

Anyway, I have to go now. It's time for dinner and they are serving pudding tonight. I'll write again later!

Love,   
Your Luna


End file.
